You've met your match: Destiny or Disaster?

Online Dating: The Magical Match

Let's discuss the enchanting moment of online dating: the match. That delightful notification, the rush of dopamine, and the thought, "Maybe, just maybe, this is the one." You can relax for a brief moment, but once the excitement fades, reality kicks in, and it's time to start a conversation—cue the dramatic music!

The Mysterious Nick

Let's rewind to February 2021, when I stumbled upon Nick's profile and broke a golden online dating rule. I read his questionnaire, and his response was "no" to everything—literally every question. Do you want kids? No. Do you want to be married? No. Do you want to go on a date? No. I mean, if he had said "no" to breathing, I might have considered it a red flag!

Even though I knew I wanted all those things eventually, I still messaged him faster than you could say "Netflix and Chill." He seemed so mysterious, like a riddle wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a hoodie with no details in his bio and not a single smiling photo. It was like trying to date a shadow—intriguing yet slightly concerning. In the 21st Century, no one expects baby to sit in the corner, and I didn't want to miss a potential match.

The First Message: A Classic Move

Then came the moment of truth: sending the first message. Nick's profile was so lacking in detail that I was tempted to ask if he was just a handsome figment of my imagination, conjured up during a late-night pizza binge. I spent several minutes crafting the perfect opening line, something witty and engaging, only to realize I had nothing to base it on. It was like trying to bake a cake with no ingredients—sure, I had the desire, but where was the flour? I opted for a classic approach, “Hi, I’m Alisha.” Simple, elegant, and devoid of any immediate charm. I figured I’d save that for our future wedding vows, or at least for the second date if I didn’t scare him off first. After all, I didn’t want him to fall in love right away; I wanted him to be mildly intrigued, like a cat watching a laser pointer—curious but not overly committed! That way, if things went south, I could just blame it on a rogue laser dot and not my lack of charisma.

The Glorious Ping: When She Makes the First Move

Imagine this: you're a guy, navigating the endless sea of dating apps. You've swiped left, you've swiped right, and you're beginning to think all the promising profiles are just illusions in the digital dating desert. Then, ding. A notification "you've got a match", but there's more. It's a message. And it's from her! There's a spark of excitement, a "Huh, she messaged me?" moment. It's a subtle shift in the power dynamic, a pleasant surprise in a world where guys are often expected to make the first move.

With a simple "Hi, I'm Alisha," she piques your curiosity. You start to wonder what attracted her to you. Was it the carefully chosen photos? The mystery of your bio? Whatever the reason, her interest is welcome.

You check her profile and see two photos and a simple line in her bio: "I can't love you more than my hometown." What does that even mean? Two things are clear: she has a beautiful, inviting smile, and she's not afraid to make the first move, which makes her confidence even more appealing than her looks.

Now it's your turn to overthink. Do you say something funny? State the obvious, "Hey, you're gorgeous"? Time is ticking because, even though she messaged you first, timing is crucial in online dating. I'll respond to her greeting with one of my own. "Hi, I'm Nick." The ice is broken, and it's a relief to know you're one step closer to finding your forever match. The real challenge is keeping the conversation going, but for now, you're off to a good start.

Here's some advice on what to do after matching with someone on a dating app and sending that initial message: General Principles:

Manage Expectations: Not every match will turn into a conversation, and not every conversation will turn into a date. Be prepared for some ghosting and don't take it personally. Dating apps are a numbers game.

Be Patient (But Not Too Patient): People are busy. Don't expect an immediate response. However, if you haven't heard back within a reasonable timeframe (a few days to a week, depending on the app and your typical usage), it's okay to consider it a non-match and move on. You can send one polite follow-up if you're feeling it, but don't bombard them with messages.

Keep it Light and Engaging: The early stages are for getting to know each other in a fun, low-pressure way. Avoid heavy or overly serious topics right away.

Be Yourself: Authenticity is key. Don't try to be someone you're not. It will be much easier to maintain a connection if you're genuine.

Review Their Profile Again: While you're waiting for a response, take another look at their profile. This can help you think of follow-up questions or conversation starters if they do reply. It also reminds you of what initially attracted you to them.

Don't Overthink It: You've sent your message, now try to relax and go about your day. Worrying about it won't make them reply any faster.

Resist the Urge to Send Multiple Messages Immediately: Double texting (or more!) before they've even responded is generally a bad look. It can come across as needy or desperate. Give them some time. If They Reply: Respond Promptly (but not too promptly): Showing that you're interested is good, but replying within seconds can sometimes be overwhelming. A reasonable response time is ideal.

Engage with Their Reply: Actually read what they said and respond thoughtfully. Ask follow-up questions related to their answers. Show genuine interest. Keep the Conversation Going: Try to keep the back-and-forth flowing. Ask open-ended questions (questions that can't be answered with just "yes" or "no").

If They Don't Reply: Don't Take it Personally: There are countless reasons why someone might not respond. They might be busy, they might have matched with someone else, or they might just not be feeling a connection. It's not a reflection on you. Move On: Don't dwell on it. There are plenty of other fish in the sea (or, in this case, plenty of other matches in the app).

Important Note: Safety is paramount. Be cautious about sharing personal information too quickly. Don't give out your address, phone number, or other sensitive details until you feel comfortable and have gotten to know the person better. If anything feels off or makes you uncomfortable, don't hesitate to unmatch or block them.